English Post No. 3

--1--

There's no half-singing in the shower, you're either a rock star or an opera diva.

--2--

In all matters of opinion, our adversaries are insane.

--3--

Life is one fool thing after another whereas love is two fool things after each other.

--4--

I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the ordeal of meeting me is another matter.

--5--

Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same.

English Post No. 2

--1--

If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight.

--2--

An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have. The older she gets the more interested he is in her.

--3--

Life begins at 40 - but so do fallen arches, rheumatism, faulty eyesight, and the tendency to tell a story to the same person, three or four times.

--4--

If we're not supposed to eat animals, how come they're made out of meat?

--5--

Santa Claus has the right idea: visit people once a year

--6--

I used to think I was indecisive, but now I'm not so sure

--7--

Just because nobody complains doesn't mean all parachutes are perfect.

--8--

When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before.

--9--

You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said 'Parking Fine.'

--10--

I guess I just prefer to see the dark side of things. The glass is always half empty. And cracked. And I just cut my lip on it. And chipped a tooth.

English Post No. 1

--1--

He who laughs last is generally the last one to get the joke.

- Terry Cohen

--2--

A social study has concluded that a woman's ultimate fantasy is having two men at a time! In the fantasy, one cooks while the other cleans the house. Hehehe.

--3--

Don't be unhappy if all your dreams never come true, just be thankful that your nightmares don't too.

--4--

Can you imagine a world without men? No crimes and lots of happy fat women!

- Nicole Hollander

--5--

It is a scientific fact that 1 out of 3 people is ugly. Look at the person at your left and right. If they are good looking, you're in big trouble!

--6--

Sometimes, I feel like a cup of coffee. A little bitter, a little sweet, but oh so hot!

--7--

I hate liquor and I hate men. To me, they are my enemies! But then again, God said, "Love your enemies." So, what can I do? Disobey God? Amen.

--8--

Difference between knowledge and wisdom. Knowledge is knowing that a tomato is a fruit and not a vegetable. Wisdom is knowing not to include it in a fruit salad.

--9--

Never make the same mistake twice. There are so many new ones to make! Try a different one each day!

--10--

You're driving a car at steady speed. On your left is a drop off and on your right is a fire engine going at same speed you are. In front is a galloping horse the same size as your car so you can't overtake. Behind is a galloping zebra. What must you do to get out of this dangerous situation? Get off the Merry-Go-Round!

Pinoy Tagalog Post No. 1

--1--
Lito Lapid: Why did you write me such a long speech? The people were bored. Secretary: Sir, I gave you a 20-minute speech, plus the two duplicate copies you wanted.
--2--
Doctor: 6 months na lang ang buhay mo! Mag-asawa ka na ng pangit at bungangera. Lalaki: Gagaling ba ako? Doctor: Hind, pero at least, gugustuhin mo nang mamatay.
--3--
I was once asked by a curious 4 year old boy. A question that made my jaw drop and leave me puzzled till this time. The boy said, "Ano po ang animal sound ng giraffe?"
--4--
Ngayong valentine's day: Blue roses for lovers, white chocolates for crushes, pink balloons for friendships. Most of all, for loveless, red... Redhorse!
--5--
Patient: Magkano ang magpaface-lift? Doctor: Complete treatment, P145000. Patient: Ang mahal! Ano ba ang pinakamurang treatment para magmukha akong bata? Doktor: Eto, tsupon, P20 lang.

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